Q: Marshall Rosenberg's method of Nonviolent Communication emphasizes the importance of expressing feelings in communication. While this can be valuable in personal situations, it may not be the best approach in professional contexts where a more objective and professional tone is often necessary.

For example, when seeking a promotion, it's important to focus on the value you can bring to the company and how a promotion would benefit the organization rather than emphasizing how it makes you feel. By highlighting your achievements and contributions, you can demonstrate your readiness for the promotion in a more objective and effective manner.

My thoughts:

The goal of Nonviolent Communication is to create a connection with the other person that makes compassionate giving more likely. Marshall Rosenberg found that when he would share his feelings, or others would express theirs that this type of connection was more likely to happen, and therefore that he was more likely to want to contribute to the needs of the other person and conversely that they were more likely to want to contribute to his needs as well.

There is no rule that one must express their feelings in order to be communicating nonviolently. Such a thought is in itself a jackal way of communicating - It is a demand that I must communicate in a certain way.

What I find helpful in my own practice is to ask myself “what will best serve my needs in this situation?”

If sharing my feelings will best help me meet my needs then I will do so. But if sharing my feelings, for example, in a business context might potentially have the effect of creating misunderstanding or inefficiency then I won’t express my feelings, but rather be aware of them in myself for my own self connection.

I think the person asking the question is referring to this.

It would be very much in line with Nonviolent Communication to be aware of the needs of the organisation and then to talk to these needs in an interview for a promotion. For example sharing how me gaining this promotion will meet the needs of the organisation and thus add value to it.
Personally I find that expressing how I’m feeling in relation to something like a promotion, underlines how much I care about it.

When someone says to me “I’m feeling excited by the thought of working in this new role" or “nervous about this interview” it impresses on me how much they care. As a result of this honesty I would be more likely to trust this person.

Conversely I’ve interviewed people who haven’t mentioned their feelings and seemed indifferent about the situation. This gave rise to a lack of clarity in me. It didn’t attract me to the person, it deterred me. I was wondering whether they really cared about this role at all. They may well have but I didn't know this. Sharing their feelings would have been one way to communicate this care to me.

I will close by saying that I regularly check in with myself in personal and professional contexts to see whether and how I’d like to share my feelings. For me it’s a continuous investigation of sensing when and how sharing my feelings will benefit my needs.

Anything resonate for you? I’d be glad to hear what that was…